Lazy Heart but Yerning for Love

I actually don’t know where to begin but with the title. The title is a piece of a song call “Lazy” on Latoya Luckett newest album…Lady Love. The song talks about how a heart is lazy to want to love another. Not trying to get to know a person and just relaxing for a minute because a heart can only take so much when you have little to no trust for a new person in your life.
It relates to me because in a previous post “Emotional Rollercoaster“, I was going through a very hard break up. As of today, It has been almost a year(Dec. 20th) since it was over and my feelings of the situation have diminished but….now a new guy has stepped up and wants to be with me. Am I wrong for being reserved in my feelings?
ME and this guy who we will name (Kuddly) have been friends for a long time. Next week will make it 2 years (1 year of us being friends and another having an off and on relationship) Tonight he calls me and tells me he loves me and wonders why we really can’t be with each other, like with the distance. I’m wonder it too. Now trust again plays into this because he slept with my boyfriend this time 2 yrs ago or so. It was kept a secret until me and the other “Emotional Rollercoaster” broke up. He said he didn’t want to hurt me at the time but to keep secrets is not good. “whatever is done in the dark, always comes to the light.”
Well anyway, back to this Kuddly who loves me. He is calming that it time for us to stop being around the bush and lets be one. Tell me why I am being reserved? I love him too, as friends. Whenever I need him for ANYTHING he is always there and vice versa. He cares for me, he respects me and my goals in life, he loves me for me and tonight he opened my eyes to something I hadn’t seen. ME and HIM have had a relationship without even having one. Everytime we get together we both get jealous of us talking to others. We cuddle, kiss, and talk for hours about LIFE. Who can you say does that? He wants to do so much with me and I am just on my reserve thing right now. I love him too but the love he feels is deeper then I thought. For over 2 years he has said he has loved me but this past weekend and tonight felt different then usual. This one meant “I LOVE YOU” and I don’t want to let you go and I know he means it.
My heart is just lazy right now. I want a relationship and it seems right to get with him but there is something missing and I don’t know what it is and this is probably it.

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