"Feeling Some Kind of Way" Part 1

 “Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives.”—Bertrand Russell

I only can imagine what you may be thinking right now but as of right now, I am single once again but have fallen for another. So to bring you up to speed, the guy I was talking to in the ‘love’ post is now over but the emotions that ran in that post run deep for me when I finally love ‘someone’. I only can express myself through that deep, tight, pulsating not in my heart that has chains and bob wires around it. I’m the type that doesn’t trust easily. In friendship, I have been burned quite a few times (now I’m guarded). In love, I have been burned, every time. It’s never me, it’s always them and there “so called emotions”. Maybe in some way they are protecting themselves as I am to me. Who knows?

With that said, I like this guy who will be called “R.’BF’.S.”(His initials). [The title is something he says quite a bit.] I’m not going to use real names in my post(s). He and I have been talking for quite a while since July 2009. We are good friends now. From then till now, I have ALWAYS liked him with lots of emotions. When he turned me down the first time, I was hurt because the reason was “iffy” to me, like a brush off to move on to the next but with time he came around to me again. I honestly have to say I ADORE him. I never want to see him hurt and be in pain in any way. He knows this. He knows that I am always there for him when he needs me.

Recently, he needed to borrow my car to go somewhere didn’t ask him where or nothing like that and asks to put gas in my car either. Now, for my friends who know me, know that I don’t let ANYONE drive my car unless, I am sick and I need you to go to the store for me. Not even my mom or best friends drive my car because my car is my biggest independent thing that I take care of. With that said, I let him use my car. Was I just being nice? Or did I really love him? Well……I was nervous at first but when he brought my car back, first I was surprised and I felt overjoyed because I don’t do that for anyone. My car is a symbolic piece of my soul, it’s my love and for who I am to the fact that I love me. My car and I have a strong bond. Whoever drives my car, I have to have a strong love for also. Now if my mom ask to use my car (which is rare because she wants me to drive her around), but in turn I would let her but like friends it’s different. I love everyone I know but for someone as R.BF.S. I have a special love for him that he can only imagine……

To be continued……
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