At times, I feel like the world is against me as I am on this plane or rather path to happiness, that it seems to have lots of road blocks, delays, negative people, and people that don’t care about you anymore (separate post). As I travel down my path, I think about all it took to get here. The stories and lies I have told to be in the position that I am in.
“Was It all worth it?”…
…Is the question that ponders me every waking day. I find myself sometimes lost on this path, doubting some things, only to get, small reminders of why I did what I did. FOR ME and MY FUTURE! I wanted more out of life than what I was use too. I would love to disappear to another country and not have to worry about bills, bills, bills, credit, credit, credit, failure, failure, failure. I don’t want to be that person anymore. He was left in VA on that sunny moving day to Charlotte , NC. He grew up to be better than himself.
Sometimes, in my reminiscent moments, I miss the friends, I had back home. Note the emphasis on had. At times, with matters to my ex-best friend, I feel like we could have talked about this. Granted, I did warn everyone that I was moving with no expectations and I wasn’t playing. A lot of people doubted what I was going to do. (Hence, the reason for the path leading me here). Yes, I miss him and the times we shared but the negative side reminds me of a person that never uplifted my soul, unless it was going to the club, shopping, or going out of town. If I was to talk about my own personal issues, it would be a negative conversation. In order for me to continue the path that I want to be on, I need positive energy around me.
I feel bad sometimes about how I ended terms of friendship with some people back in VA. It’s not right but when you do reach out to people to TALK about the problems and what went wrong they shield and don’t want to have that hard conversation. Is that worth it? By this point, probably not. Moving on is best….